Shipwreck

Again, I find myself starving. My stomach is empty, barron, and unbearably at rest. I inhale deeply, hoping that the air in my lungs will make up for the nothingness below my ribcage. This familiar desert wasteland is hotter than I remember, but somehow today I find shade where I can rest my shipwrecked honesty on the dusty cracked clay, though I do not hesitate to acknowledge that the silence is piercing.

Time goes by like a vengeful lie, the noise muffled by secrets and restlessness. It's hard to believe it's been so long, though not long enough, not nearly long enough. My thoughts are reckless, like a sobbing symphony of crashing waves. I hear the sand trickle back and forth with the tide; the roar of chaos sucks me in and spits me out, leaving my tears to evaporate under a faceless sun- I pause as the relentless ripple of heat waves drill through the water with angry intentions. If only I could forgive myself; my mind a frenzied sea of questions and accusations that attack my insight like heat seeking missiles. True freedom would be too much to ask without draining the tank to empty its contents back into the polluted sea full of distorted thoughts.

But I do find shade somehow in the midst of the heaviness. There is a Divine purpose in every instance of questionable circumstance, and knowing this, I will forever search for the beauty in existence.